Alternate Uses for the Pool Table
by Koneko Cain
Summary: Malik, Otogi and a pool table, Bakura, Marik and much alcohol. What more could you ask for?


Disclaimer: I don't own it.  
  
Warnings: Yaoi, humour, lemon(-ish), evil-ish Bakura and Marik in the background being... well, evil, and a whole bunch of Malik demonstrating the finer points of being a sexy Egyptian bishonen.  
  
Author: Koneko Shido  
  
A/N: This is the fic I got banned from ffn for! Can you believe it?!  
  
Added Note: Kuro no Hoshi made me write it!!  
  
Alternate Uses for the Pool Table.  
  
Otogi blinked. Well, that was entirely annoying and unexpected. He'd come to some back street bar to get away from it all and mope for a while like the teenager he was about the fact that the world was unfair, etcetera, and who should be singing karaoke in said bar but the world's most sexy bunch of psychopaths, Marik, Malik and Bakura?? So much for a quiet drink, then.   
  
The dice player muttered a curse under his breath and slinked quietly into the dark, almost empty bar, taking a seat near the old pool table in the corner that nobody was using. Probably because the cues were all broken from having been used in one too many GBH cases, and the balls had all been stolen by Marik, because they were shiny and he liked them. And nobody dared tell him to put them back.   
  
Not looking up as he dumped his coat at his little table and sidled up to the bar to get a drink, Otogi prayed that Marik and Bakura were too busy watching Malik singing Aerosmith songs on the tiny stage to notice that he was there. Last time they'd tried to pair him up with Honda, even after he'd repeatedly informed them that Honda was as straight as a ruler and hated him intensely. Apparently they didn't care. Making his way back to his seat, Otogi sighed and cradled his drink, finally looking up to watch Malik, sexy, sexy Malik, singing. He was pretty good at it, as well. Not as good as Bakura when he sang 'Stage fright' by Motorhead at one of Yugi's random parties, but that was because Bakura sounded scarily like Lemmy when he sang. Not that it really mattered. It was just funny, because it scared Ryou, which resulted in Kaiba glaring at Bakura, which ended up with Bakura trying to hit Kaiba but being too drunk to actually see straight and thus falling over, bashing his head on the table and giving himself a concussion. The whole drunk lot of them had had to cart him down to casualty at two in the morning and explain what had happened. And then, of course, Bakura tried to kill everyone when he came to and almost got himself committed to an asylum. That guy really knew how to party.   
  
XxXxX  
  
On the other side of the bar, Bakura poked Marik in the side.   
  
"Oi." He said, when Marik blinked and stared down at where he'd just been poked slowly, since he was very, very drunk.  
  
"Something poked me." The spirit of all that is angry and teenage said, frowning.  
  
"That would be me." Bakura told him, poking him again. "See?"  
  
"Oh yeah. Why are you poking me??" Marik pouted.   
  
"Look who's here." Bakura pointed over to where Otogi was sitting in a dark corner staring at his drink. Marik squinted.  
  
"Who's that?" He finally asked, looking confused.  
  
"Otogi, remember?? We tried to pair him up with Honda but the bastard was straight?" The white haired spirit prodded, glancing over at where Malik was singing 'Sweet Child o' Mine' by the Guns 'n' Roses.   
  
"Yup. So how can we torment him this time?" Marik grinned psychotically, as he tended to do... well, pretty much all the time.  
  
"I have an idea. Let's tell Malik. He's wanted Otogi for forever, and we can take bets whether Otogi will snap or not."   
  
"He will. You have no idea how wicked Malik can be when he wants something." Marik nodded.  
  
"We'll see. I think he has more control than you give him credit for." Bakura disagreed.   
  
Marik just snorted.   
  
"You're on," he said with a slightly drunken 'Evil Look'. Bakura squinted at him and smirked.  
  
"You've been practicing that, haven't you?" The English-accented spirit grinned knowingly. Marik stuck his tongue out childishly at his white haired lover and ignored him, going back to his millionth drink.  
  
"I'll take that as a yes, then."   
  
XxXxX  
  
Otogi looked up from the swirling golden liquor in his glass as a familiar voice rang out nearby.  
  
"O-to-gi," Malik hissed in a scarily singsong voice, and 'axe murderer' was the first thing that popped into Otogi's mind. This was quickly followed by 'nope, just Malik', and then 'sexy axe murderer'. The whole thought process made very little sense when he ran it back, and he shook his head to rid himself of the disturbing images he was getting, instead looking over at Malik. This, he decided, did not help his lust-filled mind-haze at all. Not in the slightest. Sexy, sexy Malik, as Otogi's brain had nicknamed the Egyptian, was sprawled on his side on the pool table, his head resting on one hand, looking at Otogi with those burning amethyst eyes. He was wearing a sleeveless, tight black t-shirt and black jeans that hugged his hips, as well as big, silver buckled combat boots.   
  
"Malik," Otogi greeted, thankful for the small things, such as the fact that his voice hadn't broken and he hadn't accidentally said some of the things he was thinking. Mostly said thoughts were along the lines of: 'For my birthday I want Malik dressed in nothing but vanilla ice cream,' and 'I want to be Malik's lollipop...' It was all very disturbing. He was pretty sure Malik knew what he was thinking, too.  
  
"How goes it?" The Egyptian asked, tapping his fingers gracefully over the green material of the pool table like some sort of disturbingly sexy feline. Otogi wanted those fingers on him. Or in him. Or either one, or possibly both...  
  
"Fine," He answered slightly shakily, his eyes fixed on Malik's chocolate-coloured skin, thinking very X-rated things that would have made the devil blush like a schoolgirl.   
  
"Good, you look a little... flushed." Malik said the last word in a deliberately sexy way, then dipped his fingers into the glass of liquor he had next to him and picked out an ice cube, sucking on it gently and making a pleased sound in his throat at the taste. "Hot in here, hmm?" The amethyst-eyed teenager mentioned casually, then took the ice cube and trailed it down his neck, his eyes half-lidded as he moaned in appreciation. Otogi watched with wide, green eyes and had to remind himself to breathe. He'd always assumed breathing was automatic, apparently he had assumed wrong. In, out, in, out... That bought to mind images that didn't help his sexually frustrated state in the slightest.   
  
XxXxX  
  
Across the room, Marik smirked.  
  
"He's going to snap." The spirit of loathing and hatred nodded happily. Bakura sipped his drink in a delicately evil way normally associated with Bond villains and wicked aristocratic vampires, and decided Marik was probably right. Not that he really cared, losing a bet to Marik when the other spirit was so drunk he wouldn't even remember in the morning didn't upset him too much.  
  
"We should have bet something on it." Bakura mentioned, a cunning scheme popping into his slightly drunken mind.  
  
"Damn, that's right!" Marik agreed wholeheartedly, trying to snap his fingers but missing by inches. He was very, very drunk. Very drunk. Bakura smirked to himself.  
  
"Alright, how about this. If I win, I get to be seme. And if you win, you get to be uke." Bakura wondered if Marik was really drunk out of his skull enough to fall for that.  
  
"Ok!" Marik chirped happily, almost falling off his seat. Bakura took a moment out to gloat to himself silently, then absently patted poor Marik on the shoulder and turned back to watch what Otogi and Malik were doing. Marik was going to be one sore spirit of 'pissed off' in the morning.  
  
XxXxX  
  
"Mmmmhh... It's soooo hot in here, isn't it, O-to-gi?" Malik moaned, writhing indecently on the pool table. Otogi could feel his last tiny shred of self-control withering away and dying like a burnt out match. That ice cube was melting rapidly from the heat Malik's milk chocolate skin was giving off, being dragged in a slippery trail down the Egyptian's collarbone.   
  
Malik, apparently deciding that one could never have enough torture, chose that moment to place the ice cube between his perfect teeth and sit up, pulling his tight black shirt off over his head and shaking his hair out once he was free of the material. He took the ice cube from between his soft lips and smirked evilly at Otogi, then slid it down his chest to his nipples, which hardened instantly. He gave a barely audible gasp at his own icy touch, never breaking eye contact with Otogi.   
  
"Very...hot..." Otogi whimpered, not quite sure what he was saying, only that Malik was being very, very evil. And very, very sexy. But then, he was always sexy, so that didn't really count.  
  
It was about then that said Egyptian Pharaoh-hating sex on legs decided he'd tortured poor Otogi enough, and dropped the last tiny bit of ice cube to the floor, beckoning to Otogi with one finger.  
  
"Come here, O-to-gi..." Malik hissed, and Otogi stood up on autopilot and began to walk towards the pool table a few feet away, wondering in the back of his mind why Malik insisted on saying his name in that unbearably sexy way.   
  
"Oi, no sex on the pool table!" A voice yelled from behind the bar, and Otogi blinked as Malik smiled brightly.   
  
"Just a moment." He said, then turned where he was kneeling on the green material of the pool table and whipped the Sennen Rod out from wherever he kept it, pointing it at the bartender. Said bartender suddenly became rather more zombie-looking.  
  
"I meant 'please have sex on the pool table', and... I'll just go... elsewhere." The greasy-looking man behind the bar smiled blankly, turning around abruptly and shuffling off into a back room somewhere. From the other side of the room, Bakura and Marik clapped and cheered drunkenly.  
  
"Sex now." Malik nodded, and once again beckoned to Otogi, who decided it didn't really matter that he had no idea what was going on. Malik, sex, pool table. That worked.  
  
Climbing up onto the table, Otogi decided to take the lead and crawled over Malik to kiss him, giving a squeak as he suddenly found himself rolled over underneath the Egyptian.  
  
"I'm seme." Malik smirked.  
  
"Who says?" Otogi pouted.  
  
"Me? And I have the Sennen Rod and a murdering, psychotic yami?" Malik looked a little puzzled as he said this.   
  
"Fair enough." Otogi muttered, managing to look both turned on and a little pissy all at once. Malik grinned and leant down over him, hot breath in his ear tickling his long, black hair.  
  
"Besides, don't you know the 'eyes' rule?" The hikari whispered seductively, busying his hands with removing Otogi's shirt.  
  
"Eyes?"   
  
"The one with the biggest eyes is always uke." Malik stated as though it were a well-known fact. "And your eyes are bigger than mine."   
  
Otogi was about to complain about the fact that he'd never heard of the 'eyes' rule before and strongly suspected Malik had just made it up, but his protests were cut off by a pair of burning lips crushing against his own.   
  
XxXxX  
  
"Before you say anything," Bakura narrowed his eyes for emphasis, "your eyes are bigger than mine."   
  
Marik blinked innocently and looked puzzled.  
  
"I wasn't going to say anything." He insisted.  
  
"Damned right." Bakura smirked.  
  
"Are they having sex yet? Tell them to hurry up with the pool table." Marik said as he poked at his latest drink, some strange cocktail he'd made himself. The bartender was currently standing in the back room staring blankly at a wall.  
  
"They're doing it now." Bakura told him, watching as Otogi and Malik's clothes were thrown off the pool table.  
  
"Good. What's this blue I'm drinking?" Marik asked, glaring fuzzily at the blue syrup-like substance swirling dubiously in the bottom of his glass.  
  
"How the hell should I know? You made it." Bakura smirked.  
  
"Yeah, but I'm drunk." Marik pointed out.  
  
"Drink it anyway, it's not like it can kill you." The white haired yami suggested, rolling his eyes when Marik shrugged and downed the entire thing.  
  
"I think blue tastes nice. I wonder what green tastes like?"   
  
"I'm not bailing you out if you throw up on a police officer again." Bakura said, watching Malik's yami stagger over to the bar and begin mixing everything he could find together.  
  
"'Kay!" Marik called back, grinning brightly as the mixture he was drinking began to eat through the glass.  
  
XxXxX  
  
"Aaahh..." Otogi moaned, letting his head fall back onto the table as Malik nipped at his neck. Their clothes had at some point escaped to the magical land of Elsewhere, and now Otogi was silently thanking the gods that there was nobody else in the bar besides Marik and Bakura. Malik had very, very talented fingers. So talented, in fact, that Otogi was clinging to the sides of the pool table for dear life and wondering if he would actually be able to last until Malik decided to get on with it.   
  
Malik, meanwhile, was enjoying himself listening to Otogi's desperate whimpers and purposefully torturing him. It was rather cruel, he supposed, but then, he was Malik and being cruel and merciless was what he did for fun most days. There was one thing missing, though. Reaching up, Malik pulled off Otogi's headband and let the dice player's hair loose from the ponytail that held it, watching the long, black locks fall onto the pool table. Otogi looked up at him questioningly, slightly puzzled by what Malik was doing to his hair.  
  
"Always wondered what you'd look like with your hair down," Malik explained, smirking.  
  
"And... what do I look like?" Otogi asked, panting a little as Malik finally deemed him ready and withdrew his fingers to line himself up.  
  
"A girl." The Egyptian snickered. Otogi opened his mouth to tell Malik exactly what he thought of that and ask just who was calling who a girl, when the hikari gave a wicked grin and a sharp jerk forward.   
  
The complaint came out as more of a scream.   
  
XxXxX  
  
"Did I do that?" Marik asked as he heard the scream, the spirit of hatred now lying on the bar eating gin-soaked peanuts from a bowl resting on his chest.   
  
"Your hikari did it." Bakura informed the other yami, behind the bar rifling though everything to see what was worth stealing to sate his kleptomania.  
  
"He kill anyone?" Marik asked, staring up at the ceiling drunkenly.  
  
"For once, no." Bakura said as he removed the peanuts and hopped up onto the bar to sit stradling Marik's chest. "I'm seme."  
  
"Aww, but-" Marik began, cut off by Bakura growling.  
  
"Don't make me hurt you!" The white haired spirit glared, fangs glinting.   
  
"You're not going to anyway?" Marik seemed upset about that, and Bakura paused.  
  
"You have a point. Alright, I'm seme or you're not having any more 'blue'."   
  
"'Kay!" Marik grinned happily, quite possibly having no idea what was going on.  
  
"Good. Now where did I put my knife?" Bakura wondered out loud. "Can't have sex without that."   
  
XxXxX  
  
"Mmm... ahh!" Otogi gasped, his head lashing from side to side and his hair getting everywhere. Malik decided he liked it and he was going to make it his new mission in life to destroy anything that Otogi used to tie it up with, therefore forcing the dice player to keep his hair down all the time. He could tell that Otogi was about ready to give up the fight and let go, too, since he was crying out and arching his back up. It made for a very nice sight, actually. Otogi looked very nice naked. Very, very nice. Delicious, even.   
  
Being merciless was all fine and good, but Malik decided that he should probably give Otogi some relief soon because he was about ready himself. Seeing Otogi writhing on a pool table wearing absolutely nothing, with his hair down and sexy little moans leaving his lips every few seconds was not helping his self-control much.  
  
Sliding a hand down Otogi's side and over his hip, Malik sped up the pace and, as the dice player gave a choked cry beneath him, he leant down and kissed him again. Mainly to muffle the screams so nobody called the police.  
  
XxXxX  
  
Lying on the pool table drenched in sweat and quite enjoying the warm and fuzzy afterglow, Otogi felt Malik tap him on the shoulder.  
  
"Mmmh?"  
  
"Want to see something interesting?" The Egyptian asked, a smirk in his voice. Rolling over onto his front next to Malik, Otogi stared in the direction the hikari pointed and watched with wide eyes as Marik and Bakura had very bloody, drunken sex on the bar in a pool of something blue.  
  
"Well, you don't see that every day." Otogi commented after a while.  
  
"I do," Malik grinned, settling down next to Otogi and resting his chin on his hands to watch the yami sex.  
  
The End  
  
The 'blue' was something I drank in Spain. It's disgusting, really. Don't drink it, it's baaaaad. Anyway, that was for Kuro no Hoshi, because she made me do it!! It's her fault that this ever got finished. Review NOOOOOOW. 


End file.
